As we speak, Donald Trump is once again the laughingstock of the world after lying about sending the USS Vinson to North Korea and causing a global panic about World War III to break out. He’s also doing a pretty sweet job at repeating Chinese propaganda, which I’m sure has nothing to do with Ivanka’s clothing business securing three trademarks over dinner with China’s president at Mar-a-Lago. And to really demonstrate to the planet that America’s nuclear arsenal is in the safest, tiniest, baby-size hands, here’s the brain trust that Trump invited to the White House last night to troll a painting of Hillary Clinton. Just look at all of this winning.
Just to be clear, Donald Trump is still licking his wounds over losing the popular vote by over three million votes, and this is the best he could come up with. A draft-dodger (who at least committed to shitting his pants to get out of ‘Nam instead of crying about a bone spur) and a former governor turned quasi-reality TV star who left office before her term was even up to grift idiots out of money by pretending to run for president. Oh, and Kid Rock, who amazingly didn’t show up in a Confederate flag poncho, so I’m sure he’s already being called a “cuck” on Twitter. Life… finds a way.
That said, I honestly can’t think of a more accurate representation of America right now than this photo. At least until the cast of Duck Dynasty replaces Trump’s entire cabinet, which we can’t be more than three or four Russia-related scandals away from. James Mattis is friends with Erik Prince, who’s been having secret back-channel meetings with Putin allies, so that’s gotta be coming to a head soon. And it’s not like fake rednecks who specialize in horny duck sounds can’t manage the United States military. As Jim Wright expertly highlights in his latest essay, letting proudly stupid morons handle complex situations with the skill and proficiency of a toddler with a shotgun is America’s new pastime. (See above.)