By Nick Lang
At Christmas most of the people in the West enjoy the following sequence of events:
• Eating a shit-load of food.
• Eating so much that they need to sleep.
• Wanting more presents than they actually get.
• Wishing that they had got what someone else got.
• Enjoying the glory of getting the most expensive/biggest present in the room.
• Perhaps even getting a bit miffed that they didn’t get exactly what they wanted.
So the average schedule for Christmas day, the celebration of the birth of Christianity, involves gluttony, sloth, greed, envy, pride, and wrath [generally speaking lust is rare in a room full of family – cue jokes about the American South].
I’m sure JC would be happy to know that his wholesome followers gleefully indulge in nearly all of the Seven Deadly Sins in his name every time it’s his birthday. Things sure have changed since the Old Testament; in those days we’d all get a fucking good smiting for such behaviour, which would probably happen on Boxing Day.
It just goes to show that like Adam Sandler in Big Daddy, having a kid made God go all soft [before you say anything, I am in no way comparing Adam Sandler to God other than in reference to their change in attitude. Sandler is a fairly amusing chap, but he could never be as funny as the entity that gave us the platypus, the penis, magic mushrooms, and beards].
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.